Just got round to reading yesterdays daily newspapers and the crap they wrote about little Arthur. All I can say is "IT'S GREAT TO SEE THE VIZ STYLE OF REPORTING AINT DEAD". They take photos off your website, say that they are "EXCLUSIVE". Make shit up like he "walked round like a celeb" - "swigged vodka from a bottle" and then put in quotes that no one said cos the reporter who wrote it was a million miles away, probably tucked up in bed with his thumb up his arse, cos he sure wasnt using it to thumb through his jotter while taking notes!!! All that shite just for sticking a bar towel on your head - what is the world coming to?
Think i'll have a go at reporting - here goes
The Jesters News
Last night, Iranian hosatge Arthur Batchelor was seen at Jesters. 19 stone heavily tatooed Arthur pushed door staff out of the way as he entered the club, screaming "out my way - i'm a celeb". After bottling 2 doormen, Arthur was let in cos he's well ard and known to be phycotic. After downing 2 kegs of guiness and 12 tins of special vat, he stuck a towel on his head, pointed a bazooka at the dj and yelled "oih dj - take my picture now cos i'm in-sensitive and want to get more publicity for my soon to be published autobiography". The dj did as requested as he feared for his life - Arthur then nutted the dj and walked off to the back bar of the club where posh & becks were having a VIP party. At this point Athur, high on crack and talcum powder, proceeded to kick Beckham in the balls while trying it on with Victoria. After kicking 2 pregnant women, Arthur left exclaiming "I'LL BE BACK"
Damm that was easy, and its HONESTLY the way it all happened. Think i'll go apply for a few reporters jobs, beats my boring job any day.
Aint done one of these for a while. Doin these photos and keepin the website up to date is a full time job - how the hell does alex from smileonthetiles do his so quick. Had a lot of media interest from around the country asking me about the photos of little Arfur, one of the sailors who was held in Iran recently ( i've devoted a little gallery to him ). They wanted to know any little sordid details about him and any other shit they could dig up ( don't worry mate - what happens in Jesters stays in Jesters - we wont sell you out ). Good to see him and all of the citys returning forces personnel back. So what if he made a few quid - you're a short time alive and a long time dead in this world, so if you can make a few quid along the way - DO IT. I know a lot of twats who made money in this town in a lot more sordid ways than selling a story to a paper!!!
Anyone know the Plymouth Club owner who is suffering from alzheimers. Talking to Oceana doorstaff recently, they told me a local club owner was outside one Wednesday night complaining "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM". Poor bugger. If anyone knows who this is please tell them who they are and point them in the direction of their club!!!!!!!
Anyway gotta go now - thanks to all of you who have been sending in emails and thanks for the 1000's of hits the site is receiving.
It's 2.40am and its busy downstairs - my public await me - well actually the punchball just jammed - BUGGER!!!!!
just a short one ( ooo er ) to say thanks for all your emails, cheers to steph, jayne, karen and gemma and the hospital radio boys for your replys. Website been up just over a week now and had over 2000 hits - many thanks to all of ya xxxx
where you all coming from tonight - it's a bit of a mental Friday. Just been for a walk up town and it's dead everywhere else - spose it is 3 in the morning and anyone sensible has gone home to bed though! Oh well, the dance floor is still jumpin so it looks like a 4am finish ( this aint doin my beauty sleep much good ). Look out tomorrow night on the website cos I got plenty of photos to upload.
see ya all tomorrow xxxxx
can't stop long cos its starting to fill up downstairs - not bad for a Tuesday coming up to pay week. Just to say thanks for over 700 hits on the site since goin live last Friday night, and thanks to all who have sent in emails with questions and suggestions - not 1 rude one at all - i'm shocked!!!